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Saturday, 27 July 2013

Welcome to my world!!!

Here I am, with a blank page in front of me - not generally a problem, but then it's not generally going to be read by anyone (except maybe my therapist, which is somewhat different!!), so I'm wondering what to write, and what to leave out.  This week has been a hard week.  In fact, 'a hard week' would be what my therapist calls 'a classic Sandy understatement'.  On top of that, I'm changing anti-depressants, and that's never easy - each day is like riding a roller coaster from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed, and I never did like roller coasters.  However the upside is that that sentence contained 'go to bed' in it - I have gone from having 1 and a quarter hours a night to having anywhere from 4 hours to 8 hours.  You'd think this would make me feel LESS tired....but no....I feel more tired than I did before.  Seems my body is plotting against me to stop me heading out into the world suitably refreshed to tackle the challenges of a day with PTSD. Which brings me to's not like it's something you can really talk about properly.  I mean - when someone does something perfectly innocent and it causes you to have a flashback, and they pick up something is wrong, you can hardly say 'sorry...I had a reminded me of.....'.  No - what you say is 'I'm just tired, sorry'.  You can't say you were 'miles away' or 'daydreaming' or they say 'oooh, lucky you, was it somehwhere nice?'. you outright lie, something I've had drummed into me over and again is so wrong, or do you make them feel  incredibly uncomfortable? Yep, you lie. Anyway, I've waffled on quite enough for one day, so I'm going to stop!!  But I wanted to finish with the poem I wrote about 13 years ago now, that is my inspiration for the blog title, Taking down the Walls.....
Only a Child

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